literally cannot even do this without you anymore. every single fucking thing i do reminds me of you, all i want is a hug from you that is all. i dont want life to keep going, only because every damn day is another day away from you. i feel so selfish, all the suffering you went going through.. the pain you were in and i still want you here. id rather sit with you in a hospital room then sit in my bed and feel alone, and empty. its like theres this hole where you used to make me have a sense of security or something. i took you for granted untill the end. Think about the good times they all say, no i cant even do that because all it does is make me cry. my bed i cry. Cheerleadding i cry. School i cry. EVERYWHERE i cry and cry. i know your here but your not really really here. i wish i could just tell everyone, no matter how m uch of a jerk your parents are, no matter what happened in the past forgive even if youknow it will happen again, because no matter how much you dislike them. theres this feeling that you dont realize you have untill its gone. i lost my friend. and i would do anything for you back dad i cant do anything because everywhere i go i think omg he stood there once, i wear this necklace and i think omg his beating warm heart touched this. My mind is fucked, because i sit in class and think about how cold your body must be, i know your not in there but i cant even help some of the thoughts that go through my mind.. i miss our car rides and singing beatles. Listeening to beatles is the closest thing i have to being next to you. and still, it just makes me feel that much more empty. do you know how much this fucking sucks? well, you dont. good thing ive been faking a smile for my entire life, im a professional at it by now.
